Monday, November 4, 2013

Hi Again, I Passed the Bar?!

Hi guys,

A sincere apology for my absence. My life over the past few months, which still isn't in order, has been all over the place. I have not lived in a single place for any significant period of time since May. From studying to the bar to taking the bar to moving...twice, I've just not been able to really write at all. I'm actually at my new office right now, sitting on a couch, writing this. I did get a pretty neat new laptop though, so it's not so bad.

Which leads me to my second point. I passed the bar! For people who haven't waited for bar results, there's nothing worse. I mean, maybe there's something worse, but I've certainly never experienced anything worse. But I guess I'm a lawyer. Or am to be sworn in as one. So, that's good.

Which leads me to my third point. I've been sort of depressed, and passing the bar, which I'd been waiting for...since I started law school, wasn't as fulfilling as I thought it'd be. And that's always a depressing thing. I went to this law review alumni party thing. And that was incredibly depressing. No matter how hard you try, the things you do, the meaning behind them, if there is any meaning at all, will never last forever.

Maybe it's not as bad as that, but that's how I've been feeling. Which leads me to my fourth point. I'm in an incredibly difficult situation when it comes to work. I opted to not try to get a job at a big firm and work for my father. He is trying to retire, and I am going to try to take over the firm or practice or whatever. For at least a few reasons. My dad, without getting into any details, is having some health problems and is having more difficulty working. I've been trying to work with him so that he can more easily retire, especially before the health issues make it impossible for him to work altogether.

This arrangement of working for him sounds fine, of course, but it's been rough. For one, I don't really make any money here. There's not enough to go around for his retirement and my income, especially since another lawyer has just joined. For two, it's difficult working with parents all the time. (No one can annoy you like a parent can.) Especially when one considers for three: I've had to move back in with my parents because of for one. I'm with my parents (or parent) almost every moment of every day. This has caused a lot of stress, as can be imagined.

Mostly, I feel very stuck. I know the arrangement is only temporary, until my parents are in good shape, but it feels like, as I am 28 years old, I am fully reaching adulthood. This is especially difficult for me because I feel like there's nothing on the other side of it. No family of my own, no house to share with that family, no prospects at all.As such, it feels like I'm pouring a great deal of effort into my parents as a means of trying to fill other voids. And what's worse is that my dad feels guilty, even though he has no reason to. I think he sees me going to sleep alone in a small bedroom at his house as a certain kind of failure. Maybe even a tragic thing. It's hardly a good scenario, but I don't know what else to do.

To be entirely fair, it isn't all bad. I am getting incredible experience, I like helping my dad, and I am thrilled not to be part of the crazy world that is the big law firm. When I take over completely, I'll (hopefully) be making enough money. It's just, for now, very trying. I have no friends who live in town any more, no love interests, no current major goals besides that retirement goal for him; just my family and my dogs. How close I've grown to my dogs!

Anyway, it's been a difficult transition, and it's still going on, but that's why I've been away. It's a process that has drained a lot from me. It's made me get interested in really boring and pointless things. Like technology. Hence the new laptop. And movies. I do a lot of sitting in bed watching movies on my phone. I have unlimited data and my parents don't have serious internet where they live, so I have to use the phone. Hence also me writing this from the office.

But this sounds like a crybaby thing. It's not. I'm just trying to explain where I've been, what I'm doing, what I'm feeling. I'm trying to get back into writing on here because it's good for me, and it's a project worth doing. I often feel like I don't have enough to say though. I'm only an armchair philosopher (and there's some things that are so important to get right that I don't want to mess up), and sometimes I can't tell if my little life stories are interesting to people out there. But I have some stuff I've been thinking about. When I have solid internet, I'll do what I can to post.

And please don't misunderstand this post. My dad is an absolutely wonderful person. He would live and die for his family. Which he has. It's the absolute least I can do.

12 comments:

  1. Glad you are still kicking.

    The only important question is, "Are you doing what you are supposed to be doing right now?"

    (Not many would do what you are for your parents. God bless you.)

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  2. Have you ever considered writing professionally?

    You call yourself an armchair philosopher, though you seem well read and quite articulate. You're passionate for an important subject most people have no knowledge of; seriously, most of what I know of Natural Law is from your writing, while high school Catechism on the other hand taught me nothing of it.

    It's a pretty important subject to get out there, I think you'd do well with it if you wanted to! Just an anonymous 2 cents.

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    1. I appreciate the encouragement. I have thought about this a lot. I do think I'd bring an interesting and needed perspective, but I genuinely think it's too much exposure for me. I'm afraid it would make me a minor celebrity, and the pressure to defend Catholic philosophy would be on me, someone who is merely doing his best to learn and articulate it.

      But again, thank you for the encouragement. It's just on hold for now.

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    2. Would you feel the need to give up the anonymity to write?

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    3. I don't think I'd feel the need to give it up. I think it would just happen. If I got popular at all (and I have no idea how I would without working anonymously with real people and real publishers, which seems hard), people are going to be interested in who I actually am. Now, I might not get popular at all (entirely likely), but then I'd be sort of just doing what I'm doing now with a lot more grief.

      But, the idea isn't out of my head at all. I simply think it's not the best time.

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  3. Hey Joe it's good to hear from you it's been a while. I feel like a backseat driver trying to offer any advice, comforting or not. Maybe you can take the firm in a new direction, one that you're passionate about. Hope all goes well for you.

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    1. This is exactly what I'm trying to do. It's been tough because, one, I have responsibility for my father's work, and two, it's just hard in general. But thank you. This is just a period that I have to push through.

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  4. In my country people live with their parents whole life if necessary (eg you marry and your wife moves in.)

    Well, at least that just to be the case, now people would like to move out, but can't afford so business as usual for many.

    As I see your situation, you are young smart lawyer, taking over your family firm - I don't see the "failure" part of your life. In my country you would be success story :)

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    1. Thank you, this is very kind.

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    2. My goal was just to put things in perspective. Later I begun thinking more about my comment, and realised that almost everyone I know (in your age group, maybe majority slightly younger, 1-2 years) still leaves with their parents. (If not living together, than there are still tightly related.)

      For example, my neighbour married recently, his wife moved in (well, she moved before that, but that is another thing), they both have above average salaries but live in same house with his parents. His sister married and moved, now she lives in her husband's house (different apartment) with his parent. There are other couples I know, but mostly live near parents, or in the same house (with 2 or more apartments, often the house is redecorated, e.g. attic, so young couple (or son/daughter) can have his/her space. Houses are built for generations :)

      Ofcourse, there are people who decide to live alone, specially if they move because of job so they don't have any other option, or they can't stand parents, but there isn't any social pressure to do so; you can even say that opposite is the case. Some parent's would be offended, or at least curious.

      Obviously that can lead to problems, young people don't have incentives to work as hard, job market is very bad, low number of apartments to rent etc.

      It's a cultural thing, I watch american movies and series, but I don't see any humour in making fun of 22/28/36-year old people living with their parents :P

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    3. And i wrote "leaves" ...

      After all, it is 4am here.

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  5. Congratulations man. Was wondering where you were.

    Sorry to hear about the difficulties.

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